Cups of Cold Water

one word to describe how i am feeling now

STRESSED !!

싫어!!

이번 학기는 너무힘들어요.
:(

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988

"Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!” Nathanael said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathanael answered him,“Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, ‘I saw you under the fig tree,’ do you believe? You will see greater things than these.” And he said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and fthe angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man."

John 1:46-51

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Remember how the stem of my sunflower plant broke off? And I was
Hoping for regeneration? Well new buds are coming up again…

God is working, I can feel it. Slowly but surely.

"You are most loving, patient, kind, and gracious when you realize you desperately need every truth you could give to another. You are most humble and gentle when you realize the person you are ministering to is more like you than unlike you. When you have inserted yourself into another category that tends to make you think you have arrived, it is very easy to be judgmental and impatient."

From “Your Ministry is Not Your Identity” by Paul Tripp http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2012/05/13/your-ministry-is-not-your-identity/ (via slowlightfading)

Hungry

I’m going through this phase where I am questioning everything that I have ever believed in so strongly, where I feel like I don’t exactly know who Jesus is to me - yes, it is all very sudden, I find it a little incredulous too. And more thoughts later on how scared and how confused I felt when these thoughts came flooding into my mind.

Today I just wanted to talk about how wonderful the feeling of hunger and thirst is - hunger for the bread of life, thirsty for living water.

I woke up today hungry for God’s word. I could not wait to start reading the word of God - what does it say about Jesus and who He is and what He has done? I feel like a baby again, lost in giddy excitement at the treasure trove of knowledge that awaits me.

This is really strange. I keep saying that because while I have never felt so “faith-less” in my life, on the other hand I have so much faith that Christ is the author and finisher of my faith, and I know that this is only temporarily.

God is calling me to rediscover Him, back to the basics.

I can’t say it will be easy - in fact it will be very tough: last night I felt conviction, assurance but when I lay in bed I cried out to the Lord in prayer because I felt so confused about this rather incredulous situation. But great things lie ahead - I am excited. I am so hungry, and so excited.

signed, sealed, delivered, I’m yours

“In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.”

Ephesians 1:11-14

16 I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, 17 that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might20 that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. 22 And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

Ephesians 1:16-23

So it turns out that I’m somehow going through a season of doubting and indifference - something that I’ve never really gone through so vividly before and to tell you the truth, it terrifies me. But today begins my journey to rediscover who Jesus is to me - with fresh eyes, and an earnest desire to seek him, to fall in love with him again.

Today as I sang the words to “Always the same” and read Ephesians 1, I am claiming and am comforted by the promise of God’s constancy, faithfulness

“I am His, He is mine; Jesus knows my name
I can rest in His arms, He’s always the same
When I fall, when I call, Jesus takes my hand
Cleansing me, lifting me, He helps me to stand

Always the same, O praise His name
Jesus never changes, He’s always the same
Always together, His love is forever.
Jesus never changes, He’s always the same

In His love, I’m secure; we shall never part
In His word, I will trust, and give Him all my heart
In the dark of the night, when my heart would fear
Lovingly, tenderly, my savior is near.

Tomorrow - I will start the book of John- making notes and journaling
If you’re reading this, keep me in prayer. I sense a long and winding narrow road ahead of me.